Saturday, January 23, 2010

Please Cleave!

This post is dedicated to my sweet girlfriend M. Just the thought of her is accountability for me right now. She had an idea for a post and very adamantly said "Here's something for you to blog about." So here I am at 6:30 am on a Saturday blogging because my head and heart are full with this post. Thanks M.

About a year after Mr. Fabulous and I got married, we got into a disagreement about something. I can't remember what it was, but it must have been something significant because I remember very clearly leaving our bedroom in the middle of the night to go sit on the couch (this is not something that I regularly do). I was upset and this profound thought came into my head: "I just want to go home." By home, I mean to my parents. They could make it all better. Then I had startling realization. I couldn't go home. Number 1, I'm married and I just had to suck it up. And number 2, I was in Los Angeles. My folks were in Birmingham. For those of you who don't know, that's about a 30 hour drive, or a $300 plane ticket.
I'm sure there are some husbands who deal with this, but ladies, I think it is essential to our marriages that we grasp this concept:
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24 Amplified Bible.

So, Mr. Fabulous ticks me off. I pick up the phone and call momma, daddy, best friend, whoever. I tell them about the situation. Then later, we kiss and make up. Everything's right with the world in my house, but whoever I shared that info. with hasn't  forgotten about that incident, and they are looking at and treating my man like he's a villain. Here's another example. I have a issue with my car. Mr. Fabulous tries to fix it, but that ain't his area. I call daddy for help without my man's consent. He gets upset. Now, I have crushed him, and totally disregarded his role as head of our home.

And in case you think that I'm being mean or preachy, think about this. If your husband called his mom everytime you didn't clean the toilet properly, or burned a casserole, would you be a little annoyed? Better yet, what if he called to tell her you weren't meeting all of his sexual needs. I don't know about you, but my head would literally explode. The cooking is my domain, and I don't want feel that I'm being judged. Neither does my husband.

Do you get where I'm going with this? I'm not saying cut all ties with your family. I am saying that aside from my relationship with Christ, my relationship with Fabulous come next. I need to preserve, nurture, and honor it at all costs. God tells us to leave and cleave. This isn't just physically leaving your parents home; I think this is me actively acknowledging that I'm no longer subject to their authority and protection. That job is now his, and I should respect that. Period. When I'm not sure how to best handle a situation, I need to shut up, go somewhere, and pray. I should let the Lord guide me through the conflict. I shouldn't blab our business to the world in an effort to get sympathy, or to give the impression that I'm running things. I do think that it's o.k. to have a couple of godly, married girlfriends who can give you wise counsel, but I can probably count the number of times that I have called a friend when he and I have had a disagreement.

If this is a serious issue with you, pray that God will show you from his Word how to unite with your man. Ask Him to send someone into your life that can show you what this looks like. It may not change overnight, but the Lord can make it better, and you will be a blessing to your husband.

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