Love in the Forest

Married ladies, what does your bedroom look like? Is it a cozy retreat for you and your husband, or is it a storage area/dumping ground for toys, papers, unfolded laundry, and the kids’ junk? I will be the first to admit that our bedroom is not a retreat, but I really want it be. It is my goal to create that type of environment because I need it, and I will go out on a limb here and say it’s biblical.

"...And the bed we share is like a forest glen. We enjoy a canopy of cedars enclosed by cypresses, fragrant and green." Song of Solomon 1:16,17  The Message

I love this verse because it tells me that an element of physical intimacy with my husband is creating an environment that facilitates that. This verse makes me think of a calming space; a retreat. Sure, he might not care, but every little bit helps, and honestly, I don’t need any extra destractions.

De-Log Your Eye

I had a slightly disturbing conversation the with a friend who was perfectly content to indicate that his wife was the cause of the majority of their marital “concerns”. Now, you might be appalled by this, but ladies, don’t we do it too? “Oh, if he would just __________ , everything would be fine.” All I have to say about that is walk into you bathroom, turn on the light, look in the mirror, and grab that big ol’ log that’s hanging out of your eye. Use a little prayer if you need some help. I bring mess to the table just like my spouse. I need to be honest, reflective, and prayerful about my junk before I start throwing stones at him.

Quality Time- Part 2

I just finished a lengthy conversation with my mom about raising kids and being married. The conversation made me think of another reason why we need to nurture our relationships with our spouses. In the grand scheme of the things, you only have a few years before your precious babies will be heading to college or other worldly pursuits. What are you going to do when the "nest" is empty? Will you have devoted so much time to the munchkins and so little time to your Boo that you guys will have nothing to talk about, and nothing in common? My mom said the day I rode into the sunset with my new husband and a U-haul, she and my dad walked back into the house, sat on the couch, and talked (Did I get a few tears?). She said that the thought never occcured to her that she and my dad wouldn't make it after the kids left. The sad part is that this is happening to empty nesters everywhere. Her advice? Invest the time into each other now. Take care of the kids, but let your Boo know that he is a priority.

Quality Time

I think that we must be careful not to allow our children to be a buffer between us and our husbands. If your idea of spending quality time with your husband involves little Timmy and JoJo, you might want to re-evaluate your plans. I do think that it is important to spend time together as a family, but if the only way that I enjoy being with my husband is when the kids are tow, then I may want to regroup. Ladies, I spend all day with my children. I have a great relationship with my kids because I spend so much time with them. However, my husband deserves to have some interrupted attention. Heck, I deserve it too, and the end of the day, my kids will benefit from seeing that mommy and daddy really do value each. So ladies, if you are using your kids as a means of hiding from your husband, call a babysitter right now, and take your honey out on a date.

Gestures of Appreciation

A recent conversation with a friend made me wonder how much we really appreciate the gestures of appreciation and affection that we receive from our husbands. I don't mean the ones he throws at you that you know have some sort of sexual motivation (although those ain't so bad, and we do need to respond positively to them). I'm talking about him opening the door for you, cooking you a fabulous breakfast of runny eggs and dry toast, or buying you a piece of jewelry, clothing, etc. that you wouldn't were to a dog fight. Many times, I get a plate of eggs for breakfast, even though I'm not a big egg fan. I try to graciously eat them and give him an ''A" for effort. On the other hand, I sometimes get french toast drenched with maple syrup, gingerbread latte from Starbucks, or a candy bar from the drugstore. It's simple, and he thinks I'm nuts, but I love that stuff. I love it because I know it's his way of trying to consider me. It's not a diamond ring, but it's simply that he thought of me. The next time your husband brings you something that you may or may not be that impressed with, thank God that you have a husband who cares for you, and is trying to demonstrate that. Then you demonstrate it back!

All My Single Ladies...

Three of my oldest friends are 30 and single. Periodically they talk to me about how trying this can be, especially when it seems like everybody has somebody, and the way to get somebody is to throw all of your standards and godly principles to the wind. The other side of that coin is that I know of some situations in which the women in particular compromised and paid dearly. I know some situations in which women ( and to be fair, men) thought they were getting one person and ended up with someone totally different. And I don't mean learning that the person snores or is messy.

So experienced married folks, how do we encourage the single ladies in our lives? Putting "a ring on it" is not worth the heartache if you have to settle. I believe this why the Scriptures are very clear when it says "Do not be unequal yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). This scripture can apply to all sorts of situations but it is a giant stop sign for marriage. Now, some of us have made choices that don't reflect this principle, maybe because we didn't know, or maybe we chose to ignore it. If we do end up in a situation like this, the Bible tells us that if we are living holy before our spouses we can draw them to Christ (1 Peter 3: 1 & 2). The question is, how much do you have to endure before we get there?

To all my single ladies, I say hold on. The Lord hears you, know where you are, and has something fabulous in store for you. The grass might look greener, but it could be astroturf.